Clean Christmas Puns

What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!

How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed.

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

What do lions sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells.

What does December have that other months don't have?
The letter D.

What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has no L.

What is green, covered with tinsel and says, "Ribbit, ribbit?"
A mistle-toad.

What do monkeys sing at Christmas time?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.

What do Christmas trees and bad knitters have in common?
They both drop their needles.

What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations?
Tinselitis.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

Why did they ask the turkey to join the band?
He had the drum sticks.

What is the best thing to put into a Christmas pie?
Your teeth!

What did the salt say to the pepper?
Season's Greetings.

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it!

What does Santa like to eat?
Jolly rolls.

Why wasn't the turkey hungry at Christmas time?
Because he was stuffed

If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
Missle toe!

What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an Macintosh?
A pineapple.

How do sheep in Spain say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!

Who delivers Christmas presents to little sharks?
Santa Jaws.

What do you call a letter that is sent up the chimney on Christmas eve?
Blackmail.

What's the best present for a train conductor?
Platform shoes.

What is a parent's favorite Christmas carol?
Silent Night.

How to cats greet each other at Christmas time?
A furry merry Christmas & Happy Mew Year.

What song do Santa's reindeer sing on his birthday?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.

You better get spruced up if you're going to sell Christmas trees.

What do you get if you cross a setter and a pointer?
A pointsetter.

Santa stores all the presents in the pole vault.

Santa Puns

What language does Santa Claus speak?
North Polish.

Where does Santa Claus go swimming?
The North Pool.

What kind of motorcycle would Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson

What is Santa Claus' favorite cereal?
Frosted Flakes.

What do you call Santa when he goes to the beach?
Sandy Claus.

How do Santa and Mrs. Claus travel?
On an icicle built for two.

Some children call him Santa Caus since there is Noel.

What name does Santa Claus use when he takes a rest from delivering presents?
Santa Pause!

Why will Santa go down your chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it soots him.

If Santa and Mrs. Claus had a baby, what would he be?
A subordinate Claus.

What would Santa's grandfather be called?
Grandfather Claus.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobia !

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ho, ho, ho.

How many chimneys does Santa go down?
Stacks.

Where does Santa hide the presents he's giving to Mrs. Claus?
An the clauset.

When Santa has a barn dance, what does he call it?
A Ho Ho Ho Down.

The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

Elf Puns

What do you call an ELF who sings?
A Wrapper!

What is a typical elf greeting?
"Small world, isn't it?"

What do elves have to learn before they can read?
The elfabet.

If Santa rides in a sleigh, what do elves ride in?
Mini vans.

How long are an elf's legs?
Long enough to reach the ground.

Why was Santa's elf depressed?
He had low elf esteem.

Who makes toy guitars and sings, "Blue Christmas?"
Elfis.

Santa's elves are sometimes called subordinate clauses.

Reindeer Puns

What did the reindeer say before beginning his comedy routine? This will sleigh you.

Did Rudolph do to school? No, he was elf taught.

"Why don't we ever hear about 'Olive,' the 10th reindeer?" asked Bert.
"What 10th Reindeer?" asked Scott.
"You know. Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names."

What does a reindeer say before telling a joke?
This one will sleigh you!

What does a reindeer do when he has an upset stomach?
He takes an elk-a-seltzer.

Which reindeer was known for his bad manners?
Rude-olph.

Why are Santa's reindeer always wet?
Because they are rain deer.

What do you call a reindeer who wears ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can't hear you, anyway.

If a reindeer lost its tail, where could he get a new one?
At a retail store.

What do reindeer use to decorate their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments.

Do reindeer go to public school?
No, they're elf taught.

Why does Scrooge love reindeer?
Because every buck is deer to him.